Monday, 7 April 2014

Rants And Moans About Change: "Pre Post-Graduation Anxiety" (disclaimer: this is not a real disorder, I googled it)

So I thought I would write another blog post, since I've been quiet for  a week or so. I've been thinking about change a lot recently. Change of seasons, change of familiarity, social change, familial change, change of character, change of interests, change of direction.

The seasons have begun to change in Maryland; Washington DC had its annual Cherry Blossom festival this weekend and the trees seem to be reluctantly budding green on campus at Goucher. I am welcoming the warm weather with open arms and short skirts and sandals and bare legs. I am so done with the frost, snow and ice storms.

I hate change, which is unfortunate for someone who has changed address eight times and is constantly changing their mind about almost everything... Fickle? Or just doubtful? But of course, having decided to study Dance, I might as well get used to change if I'm to graduate as a freelance dancer or writer.

So how should I prepare myself for life after university? How do I prepare myself for the change of lifestyle, change of financial situation, change of address (technically I should already know how to prepare for another change of address, but eight times hasn't been enough apparently). Or is it just a matter of wading through the uncertainty and anxiety that comes with growing up?

Is it normal to feel as anxious as a twelve year old boy entering puberty? Or like an (anxious) bull in a china shop? Or am I over-reacting a little? I feel like I'm over-reacting a little. Perhaps they (whoever they are) should come up with a name for this emotion: "pre post-graduation anxiety" would work for me.

A lot of my dancer friends at Goucher are planning to move to New York, Washington DC, Seattle and San Francisco in order to start their lives as freelance dancers, company members and arts administrators. But I don't feel remotely ready to be unleashed upon the world of working adults, especially not as a dancer. It all feels so uncertain.

What I'm trying to say is that everything is changing so much so quickly, and I'm struggling to keep up with the changes that are occuring in my life. How do I prepare myself for the changes coming ahead of me, while not losing focus on what's happening right now?

Is there anyone else out there?

Washington DC Cherry Blossom Festival: Photo courtesy of:

Listening to: 
James Blake - Life Round Here 
James Blake - Retrograde
José Gonzalez - Heartbeats
Jamie Woon - Blue Truth

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